We received several questions via email on the captioned article,
, authored by Fr. Paulino Mondo. One of the readers, Aidah, asked two questions.
Qn 1. How do you deal with a partner you love so much but keeps cheating?
Good morning madam Aidah:
Indeed you have asked pertinent questions and below are the answers;
- How do you deal with a partner you love so much but keeps cheating?
To love a person who cheats is itself false to both you and the so-called partner because the values of minimum friendship which demand honesty are lacking. To love a person “who only says the truth by mistake is suicide”. I say this because you are loving one another in the obscurity which is impossible. To love means to leave part of yourself in the custody of a person or a place that you trust. When you say that you love and then you underline that the same person cheats even if it is on minimum details of words and actions, then both of you need to return to the drawing board because your so-called love lacks the basics of integrity among them honesty and transparency, Your so-called love may be based on a third force may be unknown to you that is pushing you to the danger zone. You may be loving what the person has but not what that person is. Love may be loving the looks, words, finances, personal security or insecurity, and what have you.
The person that cheats most of the time presents a double personality.
- Before you, this person pretends to be great, jovial, and industrious but deep down, the same person is empty, blind, and miserable. When out of sight, true colours come to the surface. Such a person has characteristics of a chameleon; meaning that he/she adapts to the colours favouring the status quo. When you have facts and evidence that your partner cheats, please quiet before he/she puts you in irreversible trouble. A person who cheats doesn’t know his/her age, faith, gender, and status. That is why he/she needs conversion like Saul who became Paul so that is fit for human relationship. Madam Aidah. if you provide your telephone contact and time good for the word to word deliberation, You will get more counsel from me or Mr Barnabas Mustapha Mugisa of Summit Consulting Ltd.
Qn 2. My partner claims not to cheat on me but keeps deleting messages from people he claims are just friends, Is this called cheating?
Dear Aidah, your second question, needs more reflection from your side.
Deleting messages from a personal phone is the freedom of the owner of the cell phone. Why on earth would you want to go and read messages not addressed to you? Some people work in sensitive jobs that require total confidentiality.
Do you see that you are deep down insecure?
That kind of control is from parents to infants. every partnership survives on some does and don’ts. In this era and time, some items are intimate and personal most especially those that have a PIN, Password, and Security Code. If you want to excel in any partnership, you must first learn, master, and practice the rules of the game. Rule number one is respect for privacy. Both of you need to make sure that you keep this life guideline.
Madam Aidah, life is not built on assumptions but facts. All the same, in case you feel insecure and still assume that your “termed partner” is cheating that is why he/she keeps on deleting phone messages, then give each other a break until you sought out your differences. There is an old golden rule which says that ” in doubt don’t act”.
Dear Aidah, don’t despair, for Jesus, it is never too late. You can rediscover yourself and your partner and if you are willing to let Jesus come into your lives, you will be made new and be able to live together in a happy and blessed life. Mugisa will forward you more verses from the Holy Bible on your desired topic. But before he does, research on your own for you will understand the Bible better when you read it at your own pace.
I bless you.
Fr Paulino Mondo