Once in a while, I land on an article of WhatsApp groups which I think deserve curation on this blog. Below is one such article about marriage. It gives perspective on what to expect about marriage. Do comment to let me know what you think. I hope it will change your expectations about marriage and hopeful make you a better husband or wife.
“In 2010, I was in my Senior Six Vacation waiting to join University. A friend and former high school classmate Akello Joy Ogweng invited me for her traditional marriage in Oyam district. I lived in Hoima at that time. I had not been to Lira since 2002 when my father’s family relocated from Lira to Hoima due to the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) insurgency in Northern Uganda.
Upon getting the invitation, I travelled and spent a night in Lira and set off to Oyam the following morning for the ceremony. It was my first time to attend a traditional marriage. A lot of things happened but one thing that caught my attention most and I have never forgotten till date was the Preacher of the day’s teaching about marriage.
The man of God said marriage has three stages. The first stage is called honey moon and lasts about two years. He said this stage is very sweet, nice and romantic. This is where you find names like honey, sweet heart, baby and so on.
In this stage, everything is perfect. This is a stage where a man returns home and dumps his socks and shoes anywhere but in the morning, he will wake up and find them placed where they’re supposed to be. This is where madam doesn’t go to bed until you return home. She sits in the living room and receives all the mosquito bites waiting for you till you return, take a shower and enjoy supper. Even if you return at midnight, you find her waiting for you. Wait and see what happens in the second stage.
This first stage is beautiful with alot of tolerance. This is a stage where at night while in bed, you release a very toxic gas and your spouse instead apologizes. Remember, you have gassed but again he tells you, “Sorry darling, it’s okaaaaaay.” This is unbelievable. Madam has gassed but to you, it’s okay. Oh my God, this is sweet. Everything is just merry making during this stage. In conclusion, the man of God encouraged us to enjoy this stage for as much as we can.
He then preached that there is a second stage that lasts for ten years. This is where honey moon is over. This stage is red hot. During this stage, perhaps financial challenges have come in. You have given birth and the children are also disturbing you. Sometimes you are yet to give birth but really want to and the pressure on you is mounting from all corners. Landlords have become Landlords. There is loss of employment. Things are just tight.
Life is hard in this second stage. Your man who used to return home early now returns very late. Sometimes he doesn’t even return home. There are suspicions of infidelity and cheating. You don’t trust each other. You feel your spouse is cheating, and infact he or she is cheating. When you return home and leave your shoes outside, in the morning, you find them where you left them. Things are hot here.
This is a stage where at night, you release a toxic gas and your partner asks what you ate during supper time yet you ate the same meals. He can even leave the bed and spend the night in the sitting room simply because you gassed. Imagine only gassing.
The second stage is hot. There are fights, spiritual, physical and in all aspects. This is a stage where you reach the point of considering separating. Each spouse shows his or her true colours in this stage. A night dancer switches on the reggae, mixes the music and punches the baseline. Your relatives tastes the greedy side of your wife.
According to the man of God, those who persevere and overcome this stage end up keeping their marriage till death does them apart. However, very many hang up the towel in this stage. They quit. In conclusion, the man of God encouraged those who are in this stage to fight a little longer, not to hang up the towel. He told them, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just a little longer and you are done with this heat.
Finally, there’s the last stage. This comes after the ten red hot years. This last stage is lukewarm. It’s neither cold or hot. You gas at large and no one applauds you or complains. You have seen enough of each other. You have known each other’s true colours.
In this stage, whatever your partner does no longer surprises you. If she quarrels, you just say that is the nature of this woman. If he is still late out in the night, you don’t even bother to call since you know he will return. If she doesn’t serve you food and you feel hungry, you just go and serve food otherwise, hunger hits you for nothing.
This stage is not for disturbing one another. There is alot of calmness and commands are few. This is where if you are watching TV with her in the sitting room and you feel thirsty, you don’t send her to bring for you drinking water but only wait when she’s moving to the direction where there is water and you tell her if she is coming back, she can come along with some water. If she asks you to repeat what you just said, you have to pretend like you didn’t say anything. All of a sudden, she shocks you and returns with drinking water. There is mutual respect in this stage. In conclusion, the man of God encouraged those in this stage to just work for eternity. He congratulated those who are in this stage for, they had come from far.
That’s all for today. Maybe the reader of this post can have a reflection. Maybe you can relate to this for those married. Maybe you will relate with this for those who will marry in future. I am also busy writing here but just know perhaps, out of the three stages, I am also somewhere there enjoying or facing one of the stages. Just do a reflection. It might be helpful.”
What do you think?
Note: I received this article on my WhatsApp mobile as a forward. It is not written by me. And I don’t know the original author/s. The article will teach you a lesson and that is why I am sharing it. If you share, add this disclaimer.