Why and who to marry?

I met my wife at my brother’s wedding meeting. Before then, I did not know that she was my student for a period of

I met my wife at my brother’s wedding meeting. Before then, I did not know that she was my student for a period of over 10 months!

It was in 2004. Being early birds, we found ourselves the first two at the meeting venue. And that is how we started a conversation. As they say, the rest is history. We wedded in 2006. We continue to surprise each other.

Before you decide who to marry, start with why do you want to marry?

Why marry by when?

Forget the motivation talks out there on “each person has got their own clock.” And how many people have achieved a lot later in life. And the fact that you oversee your life. Make your life decisions based on facts and data.

Step one: write down the current age of your Father and your Mother (or how old they would be now, in case they are RIP).  Write the age of their first born (or how old they would be today) in the family. Get the age difference. The number you get is the age your parents were when they gave birth to their first born. Now compare that with your age. I know you have all sorts of excuses how you are different. Exposed and educated and how career is critical. That is your choice. Again, get a list of top four people you look up to and explore their life. The closer you are home the better.

Step two: Read about reproductive health. Available health information, show that the best time for a lady to give birth is between 20 to 40 years. The age factor is critical for women. You want to give birth when you are still energetic to do so. Information on babycenter.com states thus:

“In your 20s, the stats are on your side. As a healthy, fertile woman in your mid-20s, you have about a 33 percent chance of getting pregnant each cycle if you have sex a day or two before ovulation. At age 30, your chance is about 20 percent each cycle. Only a small percentage of 20-year-old women struggle with infertility – whereas two-thirds of women over 40 have infertility problems. A 20-year-old woman has only a 6 percent chance of being unable to conceive, while a 40-year-old has a 64 percent chance. As for other risks, at age 20, the risk of conceiving a child with Down syndrome is one in 2,000. That risk jumps to one in 900 when you’re 30, and one in 100 when you’re 40.”

Also read: Money and sex in marriage: How to enjoy the two

I have found that the ideal time anyone needs to settle down – boy or girl – is 25- 30 years. As you get to the third floor (30 years and plus); the pressure starts pilling. You realize that you were after career, and now you have the money, but you are not yet complete. You try to ignore the noise, but it still comes back. You get tempted to just get a baby regardless of the person you are partnering with to get the baby. You don’t want to become desperate. Now is the time to make the right decision.

The men have a lot going for them. Someone can impregnate ten women at the same time. So, timing may not be their issue. However, for women, this is tough. There is something the comes when you can have your own children. And for that reason, better start trying early than later.

To be continued…

Copyright 2018. Mustapha B Mugisa.


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